Thursday, April 16, 2015

Coachella - Fringe, Flowers, and Fannies

So we went to the Coachella Music Festival last week. It was warm and beautiful, a far cry from this, our last serious music festival. 

I freaking hate crowds. Why then would you go to a music festival with 85,000 other people, you ask? Well, the line up was rather compelling. You get a lot of British acts there because festival season doesn't start until summer in the UK and Europe, and I am still addicted to listening to BBC 1 after my time in London. Also, what the hell else do we have to do while on sabbatical? 

You can Google the bands that were there so I won't belabor that. Everyone we saw kicked ass, and we were especially (happily) surprised by the performances we accidentally caught or didn't expect much of, such as Bad Religion, Clean Bandit, Royal Blood, Gorgon City with Jess Glynne, Fitz and the Tantrums, and Marina and the Diamonds. 

Then we were audially flogged by Flosstradamus, it was uhm - interesting.

Oh man was there ever some bad fashion. While entertaining, it was a tasteless mismash of Glastonbury from 5 years ago (the one year it was actually sunny), some weird hippie event, and an exhibitionist convention. Here are some of the worst of the worst trends we saw.


Even the fringe was fringed. If you are worried about getting tangled up while dancing, you are over-fringed. 

Macrame everywhere, make it stop

People were calling themselves gypsters, which was just annoying. No really, folks had t-shirts that said "Gypster". I call that an insult to hipsters and Gypsies. Urban Dictionary defines a gypster as: 

"A hybrid of hipster and gypsy. The gypster dresses like a gypsy and is nomadic, frequently unemployed, may use drugs, but in reality probably has wealthy parents, owns a car, and has everything handed to them in life. This person is a hipster in most senses (crappy music taste, elitism, likes things that are obscure just because they are obscure) but dresses in gypsy fashion. The gypster's gross appearance and nature makes them appear impoverished but they likely visit their loving home and are more than willing to spend their inheritance on the latest Tegan and Sara EP.

Weird Fake Flowered Headbands
I am not sure what it is all about, but it looks weird and you are not unique when everyone else has one. Perhaps I am being too harsh but seriously 80 percent of the women had these.

Reminds me of those giant baby headbands

Butt Cheeks
I am sure I was likely guilty of this sin in high school, oh man - a little underbutt. But now that I am 40, I can judge. I don't care how rocking your bod is, I don't want to see your butt cheeks. And I really don't want to see the awful camel toe you also get from jacking your shorts way up in there so your butt hangs out.

I am in physical pain looking at this.

Is anyone else worried about a possible yeast infection?

Wow, I can't un-see that - guys are guilty too.


This look was big: bandanas and sunglasses - even at night. Maybe it was really dusty last year or something, or people are really high and think they are at Burninng Man. I would say they were being gangsta, but Coachella is an expensive hipster festival. Maybe they are just being sun-savvy (no one wants skin cancer), but then their butt cheeks are hanging out in the back of this picture. No idea.


Hey you sexist a-hole (internal voice) why aren't you commenting on the dudes? Well, because 80 percent of guys were shirts and shorts and weren't being douchebags. OK there were a few bad ones.

In short, I am going back next year:).

Coming Soon
In case you are wondering what is next for the Flying Monkeys......

This would make an interesting caption contest.

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