Prometheus - 10 Things That Made it Suck

Prometheus - The non-prequel from Riddly Scott that I just saw was to say the least disappointing.  I'm not a huge movie buff, I do like the Batman's made by Chris Nolan and anything sci-fi especially if it includes time travel, vampires or space.  So when a future sci-fi movie made by a man who made Aliens and Blade Runner you have high expectations (eg. not Hollywood mainstream shit).

So if you haven't seen Prometheus stop reading now.

10 Reasons Why Prometheus Sucked.

1. Noomi Repace and her boyfriend were horribly mis-cast.  She was great in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo but this seems misplaced for this role and was trying to hard to find the "edgy" new Sigourney Weaver.  They could have done better and it's clear she spent a lot of time teaching her to speak American style English so at least she has that but it was part of the problem.

2. Noting the above, they are both supposed to be hard core scientists.  They come off as jockesqe dumbfucks who follow nearly zero scientific protocol by any stretch.  They almost run around like steroid pumped up children trying to pull the wings off butterflies.  I understand you've got to have protagonist events and things need to screw up to progress the movie.  However this borders on insane if you think someone is going to do some of the shit they did.  Yes, let's ALL take our helmets off on a foreign planet even after we're encountering clearly bio-hazards at close range.   Thank god somebody said once, after it was way too late, "I wouldn't touch that".  They really focused on the fi and not the sci.  Only exception to this is when someone is clearly "infected" and The Mission Director won't allow them on the ship.  Finally someone takes matters into their own hands, follows some protocol and common sense not seen since the pop corn counter.

3. Very convenient that after flying for 2.5 years (assuming at some imaginable speed) they fly down to the planet completely unaware of it's terrain and just happen to fly right down on some temple like structure and set down.  They literally say, "go right down that canyon" and they find the movie set.

4. Ok, again, you are supposed to believe that they have a ship that can take them this far.  They have little floating balls that start mapping the structure with lasers building a holographic 3d model in real time.  Then two crew members get lost and then it hits you how bad the technology disconnect really is.  The captain says, "soon to be dead guy #1, what is your location?".  How do you A. get lost, B. not know where you are when the captain has a 3d holographic model of the full temple thing right behind you?  The fact that the dialog actually reinforces this mis-match is the really bad part.

5. The Android guy, I don't know his name from Prometheus but it is the Ash from Alien.  From nearly the very beginning you realize that he has his own directed agenda that The Mission Director, (played by Charlise Therone) clearly is to some extent complicit in, goes rogue almost from second one and no one seems to notice...ever.  Are they all blind or stupid or... never mind.

6. You'll start to see a pattern in my complaints.  Sci-fi  rule set up and don't violate.  Star Trek did this very well.  Set up rules for your world, technology or premise, stay within those rules and all is fine.  Once again, Noomi gets her self  "pregnant" and needs a quickly abortion.  She programs an automated medical pod to perform said procedure.  She has what is basically a C-Section in a hasty fashion (time was of the essence) including metal staples to close her wound.  Then she escapes, suits up and goes back into action.  METAL STAPLES!  This means they didn't bother to suture anything inside, no anesthesia, she was actively programming the medial unit while she was open and has no fluid or lasers or reason to make me believe that this machine didn't perform a procedure on the back streets of Sao Paulo.  She's fine, she's tough, shakes it off and moves on.

7. Blatant sensationalism.  On que, of course the storm is coming, they need to get to the ship, the "artifact" conveniently falls just before they get in, prompting the irrational run into the storm to get it.  This sets up the have to be rescued by the android (maybe this was an attempt to foster trust in him?  See #5).  Then there is the 2012 version of S. Weaver in her undies which would be fine except...  Both Charlise and Noomi do their part in the skimpy towel like bikini / underwear thing (so much for futuristic theme, this looks uncomfortable and about to fall apart and doesn't look supportive at all, not that they need it).  While I appreciate it where you can squeeze it in, this is just retarded.  Charlise starts out doing push ups after waking from her sleep pod.  Kind of hot, but why?  Walking from the pod, to her changing room I can see but this is almost product placement.  Oh by the way, they don't even do a good job of editing here.  When it is her, she does these half push ups and has some trouble.  Cut to the stunt double and she's banging them out like Sylvester Stalone style practically doing one arms.  Noomi spends even more time in her "bandages" and isn't sexy...mostly the context...blood and shit all over her and longer than we need.  See #6.  Oh and her hair cut sucked.

8. After all hell has broken loose, Noomi tells the crew that the alien ship is leaving and she says they can't let them leave, small plea, big objection from the Project Director and 4 seconds later they pretty much unilaterally decide...suicide mission.  No other option thought about, no debate, just ramming speed...big explosion.  Really?

9.  The Mission Director (Charlise) wants nothing to do with the suicide mission and aborts in her escape hatch that can't travel and has two years of supplies on board.  Now what?  She has less supplies then it takes to get there and no way to get off....just longer suicide I guess?  Oh, and I forgot to mention that the guy pulling the Android's strings...yeah he's still alive and been on board the whole time.  Won't get into why but it's like pulling out the grampa guy from Jurassic Park and catering to his every whim cause he's old, dying and paid for the trip.  We are nearly past the point of return here anyway so let's give the old guy his last wish.....it's all of their last wish.  Speaking of last wishes, why did the human alien guy follow Noomi back to this pod to finish her off?  Why does he care?  You later find out there are other ships he could have taken, why the extreme need to kill her when infecting Earth was clearly more important 3 minutes before?

10. Let me get this straight.  Ancient aliens, traveled to Earth, committed suicide so his DNA would seed the earth with humans.  Left messages inviting us to come visit them including 5 circles on a cave wall pointing to some star system that clearly is the right one.  Then when we do go, we find an extinct dessert planet that doesn't look like it could ever sustain life (yes, I caught the terraforming the reference) only to find the same humans attempting to escape from something (conveniently through 3d holographic CCTV playback) and egg pods seemingly waiting for new humans or someone to hatch them.  Then we find out that you need an alien to infect a human, to create a new alien, to infect yet another human, to finally create THE alien.  All of this and the original humans were planning to franchise this industry to earth?

Yes, I get it, they are either slaves or clones or something where they are in the terraforming, cloning and farming them selves out for the aliens.  Now Noomi is racing through space to trace the chain back to the original source to answer this question but this was so bad that I don't see how this nice sequel set up can ever come to fruition....unless Riddly just wants to make movies for the sake of it and has lots of money to do it.  Just tell me what she finds, thanks.

PS. I didn't see the after credits part, so if you go see it, stay and tell me about it.