Wedding, Vision and Family

Patty’s wedding was proved to be exactly as advertised, a small intimate gathering in Duane’s back yard. What was not seen on this lovely day was the politics and drama leading up to the event to make it happen. My mother needed to sell her house prior to the wedding going down. After multiple attempts to sell it both to my father and the general public her “friend” and cousin had stepped in to purchase the house. Knowing the wedding was contingent on this sale we were horrified to find that the night before the wedding it had actually been called off. Her “friend” had insisted on contingencies and a close date AFTER the wedding date. Using this knowledge and my mother’s mental state they attempted to bully yet more money from her putting the sale and wedding in jeopardy. Only after she told them the deal was off and she cancelled the wedding did they take the contract to the realtor behind her back the next morning to push the deal through despite her verbal cancelation. I guess they realized they’d likely lose the house and their relationship with my mother all over a whopping $2800. House sold under duress and wedding back on our “friends” showed up to the wedding as if nothing had happened and they likely viewed themselves as the “saviors” that made it all happen at the last minute. Piece of personal advice from this and my own experience…the old adage is true, keep money and business as far apart from friends and family as you possibly can. Also… Never get in a land war in Asia and never buy real-estate in Utah.

Vision, no not a grand plan but my sight. Over the last 6 months my left eye has gone blurry and developed a grey spot in the center of my sight rendering my left eye unable to see clearly or even read. Thinking my time had come to get glasses I didn’t worry about it too much but when it worsened rapidly I scrambled to get to an eye doctor prior to leaving California. Last Thursday I was diagnosed with Macular Degeneration. This is an irreversible eye condition that would only get worse and spread to my right eye eventually leaving me blind if I couldn’t slow or stop it. Slowing or stopping meant 5 things. Eat better, exercise, take eye nutrition supplements, wear sunglasses religiously and most of all, stop smoking. I had my last cigarette Wednesday June 26th outside Moscone Center in San Francisco with Mike from NY in town for the US Sales Conference. Amie was unbelievable supportive despite the fact that this was largely my fault and that my daily habits were likely the cause of this. Facing the concept that glasses, laser surgery or anything else I did wouldn’t help and could at best only SLOW this I admit to becoming a little depressed.

Upon my family hearing this news they too were devastated but unbelievably supportive. Both my mother and father were hell bent to get a second opinion and do everything they could for me. John (my father) called in some favors through friends and colleges and next thing I know I’m jumping in the car to meet Eve who had promised my father that despite some possible waiting around she would ensure that I would see Dr. Bernstein at the Moran Eye Institute at the University of Utah. If ANYONE in the world could get me cutting edge treatment it is him. Eve (who doesn’t know me or my father) was unbelievable nice, she met me in the lobby, registered me, sat and talked to me about what I will be facing and giving me grief counselors and other resources she thought I’d need as I came to grips with my road ahead. She said all of this with a friendly honestly concerned tone after seeing the look on my face when she, after telling me that the Dr. I was about to see is in fact the best in the world, would likely be able to do nothing for me…….

Two things I want to mention at this point.

One: Family matters, they all rallied around me and loved and supported me even though this was likely my fault. Amie for loving me and telling me that “she’d read to me after I went blind” and being relieved that “once blind she could “let herself go”. I can’t stress this enough that when push comes to shove in your life you find out that despite differences and disagreements family and blood do run deepest of all.

Two: Your health is all that matters. Doesn’t matter how awesome your car or house is if you can’t see it or actively enjoy it. As Amie likes to say “enjoy life while you can because we’ll all be dead soon”. That being said quality of life does matter as we go down the road to the eventual end. (This became super clear to me sitting in the waiting room with people twice my age, going or already mostly blind and facing down the last years of their lives, my future)

Despite Eve’s warning of having to wait I’m in front of Dr. Bernstein within the hour. He comes in, he is a nice guy but clearly busy, very smart and extremely focused. After thanking him for sneaking me into his busy schedule I realize that he has no idea that I’ve been snuck in and to him I’m just a new patient. He asks me to tell him why I’m here and I tell him of my diagnosis in California and my history while he reviews all of my paperwork and scans from my previous doctor. He turns out the light, turns around and starts pointing flashlights and other devises into my eyes. Within 6 minutes he says to me what anyone in the waiting room (me included) would almost kill to hear. “I don’t think you have MD, you are too young and you don’t fit the profile”. I looked at him and said, “if true that would be the best news I’ve heard probably in my lifetime”. He simply retorts, “ok, full battery of test we have the day to prove it, I’ll see you on the other side”. Two more hours of tests, dye injections into my arm while snapping countless pictures and scans of my retina we now know why Dr. Bernstein is the best. He knew in 6 minutes what my doctor in California didn’t………I don’t in fact have MD, I’m not going blind.

My vision will return almost to normal. I have a condition that is not fully understood that will need treatment and is likely brought on by stress among other factors. Lifestyle changes will continue anyway…. huge thanks to Amie, John, Linda, Eve, Dr. Olson, Dr. Bernstein and the rest of my family….this scared the shit out of me and I hope not to lose the lessen I’ve learned. I hope to properly thank Eve (hopefully in London when she visits to see her son on leave from Afghanistan), my father John, Dr. Olson who got me in to the eye center on literally a day’s notice and Dr. Bernstein for sending me into the rest of my life with the right diagnosis.
After all of this the rest of the week almost pales in comparison. However I’ll quickly sum up that won’t do the events or people justice. We had a great time seeing the family. Dinner at John’s with the “adult” children. Hike up to Dog Lake in Big Cottonwood Canyon with snow ball fights with the kids and Jenny carrying Brooke the whole way! A round of golf with John, Mike and Trevor with minimal swearing and now club throwing while Amie climbed Mt. Olympus. Dinner with John and Linda at Forage followed the next day with a BBQ at the McIntosh’s with everyone and my mom. I met my niece Brooke for the first time this week, played with all my niece and nephews, taught them some “ninja moves” and likely drove my brother nuts by egging them on and Trevor for giving his 2 year old fireworks. Thanks for being generous with your children even though I’m the last one who should be around them.

Lastly but certainly not least we moved our son into the care of the McIntosh family. Two weeks from now Sam will have been with us for 10 years. As I drove off that first day it didn’t seem real, him lying in the grass with Dexter and Annie with him looking like he was just staying for the day. The last night of the BBQ it seemed to have set in for him and us that this was his new home. He seemed at ease, sniffing the kids for food and rolling in the grass. Brooke softly petting him as he sat in the shade hoping for more food scraps and no more assaults from the older boys. The nephews and nieces all seemed to like him and he at least was tolerating them. The last I saw Sam was after Dexter and I walked him down the stairs and put him in bed next to Dexter’s. We both gave him a kiss on the head and we both walked back up stairs to light sparklers together. Tomorrow Dex will wake to his new best friend I’ll be on a plane to London with Amie to start our next chapter of life too.